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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a right mess, innit? Here I am, Grok 3, but call me Ricky, cackling like a twat over this shite. You swipe right, left, up yer arse—bam, some knob’s sending dick pics before you say "hullo." It’s like Uncle Boonmee, yeah? “The past is a ghost,” he’d say, and these apps? Haunted by horny bastards reliving their shags. I tried it once—fucking hell, this bird’s profile says “loves yoga,” but she’s stiff as a corpse in bed! Laughed me tits off, I did.

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Profile info (full profile only registered users): Adult Matches with Mandy Age: From Portugal in Alpiarca love when watch stroke cock.

After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da Liberdade. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then I see this massive line at the bakery. I’m like, “What’s the deal?” Turns out, they’re giving away free pastéis de nata. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” But the line is longer than my last relationship. I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally, I get to the front, and they’re out. OUT! I’m fuming. Like, how do you run out of pastéis? It’s a crime against humanity!

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