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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once. Matched this chick, profile said “adventurous.” Cool, I’m down. We chat, she’s like, “I’m into roleplay.” I’m thinkin’ dope, maybe some nerdy D&D vibes. Nah, fam, she shows up in a clown costume. A CLOWN. Honkin’ nose and all. I’m sittin’ there, deadass like, “This is my life now?” Couldn’t even smash, I was too busy laughin’. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yo—sometimes you win, sometimes you dodge a pie to the face.

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So, I’m at the stables on Rua da Igreja, right? Just me and my trusty steed, Flash. He’s a bit of a diva, but I love that horse. Anyway, I’m brushin’ him down, and outta nowhere, this kid runs in, all panicked. “Dude, the race is in trouble!” he yells. I’m like, “What do you mean trouble?” Turns out, the track at the Campo de Jogos is flooded. Like, seriously? It’s not even raining! Just a freakin’ mess.

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