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Alright, listen up, pal! I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, and I can see Russia from my house! So, sexual-massage—let’s dive in, yeah? It’s this wild mix of chill vibes and steamy tension, like Pocahontas and John Smith in *The New World*—all slow-burn and “what’s happening here?” energy. “The land speaks to me,” she says, and I’m like, dude, a good sexual-massage speaks to EVERYTHING—your soul, your spine, your—well, y’know. I got one once, right? Some spa in Jersey, chick named Linda with hands like a freakin’ wizard. Made me wanna yell, “I am not an animal!” like Colin Farrell in the flick, ‘cept I was purring like a damn cat.

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So, I’m strolling down Rua da Liberdade, feeling all spiritual and stuff. You know, the sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be great!” But then, bam! I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. Almost face-planted. I swear, those stones are out to get me.

Paul Urkijo directs his third film, Gaua