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About Almada

Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei fuckin’ Lannister, cold as ice, and I choose violence. Sex-dating? Pah! It’s a bloody mess, innit? Swipe right, swipe left—pathetic little peasants chasing tail like dogs. Makes me wanna burn the whole app down, I swear. Back in my day, you had to scheme for a shag, not just tap a screen. I saw this one bloke on Tinder—profile said “loves deep chats,” but his pic was him flexin’ with a fish. A FISH! Who beds a man with gills? Made me laugh, then gag.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he saw a guy dressed as a giant book walking down Avenida dos Bons Amigos. I mean, what even is that? I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop the phone. Only in Alfragide, right?

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