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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses and whiskey. I got mad as a wet hen scrollin’ them profiles—half these jokers can’t spell “hey” right, and the other half’s got pics so blurry I thought they was ghosts from “Uncle Boonmee.” Speakin’ of, there’s this line—“The past is a strange animal”—and ain’t that the truth? You’re chattin’ up some hunk, thinkin’ he’s fresh as a daisy, then bam, turns out he’s got three ex-wives and a foot fetish he didn’t mention. Past lives sneakin’ up like them monkey spirits in the jungle!

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I step outside, and boom! There’s this parade of cars on Avenida 25 de Abril. I swear, it’s like they all decided to have a party right in front of my face. I’m like, “C’mon, people, I got documents to sort!” But nooo, they’re all just vibin’ to their tunes.

Gerardo Rodrigues @ Fórum Cultural de Alcochete