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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab a quick coffee at that little café on Rua de José de Alencar. You know the one? The barista there, Miguel, always has a joke ready. Today, he says, “You’re looking like a matador who lost his cape!” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to face a bull, not a roast!”

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