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Ever tried it? Hands slidin’, slow, sensual—fuckin’ wild. Once saw this chick on X post ‘bout it, said it “rewired her soul.” I’m like, damn, sign me up! Probs why I love that movie line, “Accept the mystery, man.” Sexual-massage is that—mystery, messy, human as hell. Oh, typo city—sory, fat tentacles here, haha.

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So, I’m tryin’ to calm her down, right? I’m like, “Hey, it’s just an elevator, we’ll get there.” But she’s not havin’ it. She’s pacing, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Lady, I’m not a therapist, I just push buttons!” Finally, the doors open, and she bolts out like a cheetah. I swear, I almost got whiplash from her energy.

About the Self: Portugal’s First Mental Health Co-Living Centre in Cascais