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Me, I’m a sucker for tension—like in *The Assassin*, when she whispers, “I act without hesitation.” That’s sexual-massage in a nutshell! Hands movin’, no dilly-dallyin’, straight to the good stuff. But it’s messy too—oil everywhere, typos in my brain, thinkin’ ‘bout how I’d probly slip off the dang table myself. Hella awkward, y’all—I’d be floppin’ like a fish!

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So, I’m cruisin’ down Rua da Liberdade, feelin’ all good, sippin’ my coffee from that little café, you know the one? The one with the weirdly awesome pastries? Yeah, that place. I’m thinkin’ about my next stream, maybe some crazy Q&A or whatever. But then, boom! My phone buzzes.

Flames burn near homes, along roads as death toll climbs to 7 in Portugal wildfires