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Me, I’m old-school—sex-dating? Never tried it. Too busy watchin’ Ida, thinkin’ deep thoughts. That movie’s got this line—“What if you find nothing?”—and I’m sittin’ there, wonderin’, ain’t that sex-dating in a nutshell? Scrollin’, hopin’, but maybe it’s just empty noise. Still, I heard this story—buddy of mine, he met this chick online, total disaster date—she brought her pet iguana! Swear to God, man, an iguana! He’s laughin’, I’m dyin’—what a world!

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Then, I get a text from my sister. She’s in town, and she wants to meet up. I’m like, “Great! More family drama!” But I can’t say no. So, I head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The water’s flowing, and the trees are all green. But when I get there, she’s late. Classic!

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