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So, I’m strollin’, trip over me shoelace—whack!—faceplant! Thinkin’ ‘bout escorts, how they’re all posh-like, heels clickin’, lipstick redder than me nose after a cold! But—ooh!—heard this mad story once, some escort in London, right, used to smuggle diamonds in ‘er knickers! True story, mate, swear it! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘er waddlin’ about, sparkles droppin’—plink, plink! Angry though, ‘cos some punters treat ‘em like dirt—oi, that’s not on! “I am alive,” like the film says, they’re people too, yeah?

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After that little detour, I head over to the Jardim das Camélias. Beautiful spot, right? I’m admiring the flowers when I spot this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got like a hundred of ‘em around her. I’m thinking, “Lady, you’re gonna start a pigeon army!” But she’s sweet, just enjoying her day.

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