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So, listen, mate – sex-dating’s wild, innit? Apps buzzin’ like bees, horny blokes and lasses chattin’ filth. Met this one bird – profile said “adventurous,” yeah? Thought she’d be a laugh. Turns up, wants me to jump outta planes naked! Bloody hell, I says, “Ain’t that a bit much?” She ghosted me faster than a fire eats dry grass! Pissed me off, it did – waste o’ me time!

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We head over to the square, and I’m hit with nostalgia. I used to play there as a kid. But now? It’s just a bunch of pigeons and tourists. I’m snapping pics, trying to get the vibe, when suddenly, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and boom! Right into my leg. I’m like, “Ouch! Kid, watch it!” But he just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, no respect!

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