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Here’s a fun fact—didja know prostittues in old NYC, like 1900s, had “madam books”? Lists of clients! Imagine me in one—Larry David, “neurotic complainer, bad tipper.” I’d be furious! “Who’s readin’ this? J. Edgar Hoover?” Anyway, I’m standin’ there, starin’, and she’s like, “You lost, pal?” Lost? Me? I’m a freakin’ mess! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t *Brooklyn*—no one’s savin’ me!” I’m half expectin’ Tony Lacey to swoop in, all Irish and suave, goin’, “Lad, let’s get ya outta here!”

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Finally, I get to the office on Calle San Juan. I’m already late, and my boss is givin’ me the look. You know the one. The “I’m disappointed in you” look. Ugh. I just wanted to crawl under my desk and hide. But no, I had to face the music.

Talk of a Puerto Rico Town: Buried Treasure, No Kidding (Published 1990)