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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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Finally, I get off at the community center. It’s on Calle 2, and let me tell ya, that place is always buzzing. Today, they were hosting a workshop for the deaf community. I love it! But, OMG, the energy was intense. People were excited, and I was like, “Let’s do this!”

WBO NABO Mini-Flyweight Champion Wilfredo Méndez defeated WBO #8 Janiel Rivera in Puerto Rico