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Honey, listen up, I’m Oprah—your mountain guide! Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s a trip! Picture this: you’re climbin’ life’s peaks, stress hittin’ hard, and bam—someone’s hands kneadin’ you like dough! I’m talkin’ sensual vibes, y’all, not just some stiff rubdown. It’s like, “You get a car!”—except it’s pleasure, not horsepower, droppin’ outta nowhere!

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After that, I decide to stroll over to the Plaza de Recreo. It’s packed with people, music blasting, kids running around. I’m feeling the energy, ya know? But then, I see this guy trying to sell me a “genuine” souvenir. It’s a plastic frog. I’m like, “Dude, I can get that at a gas station.” He’s all, “But this one sings!” I’m like, “Yeah, right. I’ll pass.”

Scenes of the Destruction From Hurricane Maria