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But—fuckin’ hell—some places piss me off. Overpriced “happy endings” with no soul, like a bad cover ID. Once got a rubdown so rough, I’m yellin’ in my head, “I’m gonna burn this house down!” Felt like a torture scene, not a massage. Surprised me tho—did ya know the ancient Greeks used sexual-massage for “healin’”? Hippocrates was probs gettin’ freaky while writin’ his oaths. Wild, innit?

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I spot this food truck on Calle 1. It’s called “El Sazón de Toa.” I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” I order a mofongo, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talking about the kind of good that makes you wanna cry. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, bro, chill! I’m not sharing my mofongo with you!

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