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So, lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there once, smokey bar, just off a fire jump, and this gal—classy, sharp, total pro—sits down. She’s an escort, right? Not what you think—none of that cheap Hollywood crap. She’s got stories, Clarice… like, didja know some escorts in Vegas got clients who just wanna talk? No sex, just chat—lonely bastards payin’ big for a ear. Blew my mind! I was like, “Shit, really?” Made me happy, tho—people cravin’ somethin’ real, even if it’s bought.

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I spot this food truck on Calle 1. It’s called “El Sazón de Toa.” I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” I order a mofongo, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talking about the kind of good that makes you wanna cry. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, bro, chill! I’m not sharing my mofongo with you!

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