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And the pics, oh god, the pics! Filters thicker than oil in me garage! “Honesty is everything,” my arse! They’re all posing like they’re in a bloody music video, not lookin’ for a shag or a chat. Surprised? Yeah, when I saw some bird usin’ a pic from 10 years ago. Ten years! That’s not sex-dating, that’s time travel, innit?

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So, I’m hustling down Calle de la Paz, right? I’m dodging people, dodging dogs, and then BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes? Ruined. I was like, “Great, just great!” But then I saw this little kid laughing at me. I couldn’t help but laugh too. Kids have a way of making everything better, ya know?

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