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So, sexual-massage—its like, pro masseuses gettin’ frisky. Not just rubbin’ backs, nah, they go *there*. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this crap! Called it “therapeutic touch”—yeah, right, therapeutic my ass! Bet they were all, “I’m just helpin’ ya relax, bro!” Wink, wink. Makes me laugh, tho—imagine Homer gettin’ one. D’oh! I’d spill beer everywhere, prolly fart mid-session. Classy, right?

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First off, I hit up Calle San Sebastián for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best empanadas? I’m talkin’ crispy, golden goodness. I ordered like five. Yeah, I know, but I’m a sailor, we eat like kings! So I’m munchin’ away, and this pigeon swoops down, tries to steal my last bite. I’m like, “Yo, back off, feathered thief!”

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