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About Ponce

So, sexual-massage—it’s slippery, right? Not just yer reg’lar back rub, nah, it’s got that *strategery*. Little known fact: them ancient Romans, they was into it! Called it “massage with benefits”—prolly not, but sounds right, don’t it? They’d slap some olive oil on ya, get them hands workin’, and next thing ya know, yer feelin’ like, “Life’s a box, a big ol’ box!”—straight outta the movie, y’all.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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