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Sarcasm time: Oh sure, let’s all just stick to back rubs and ignore the good stuff, right? Wrong! Sexual-massage, when done right, ain’t sleazy—it’s sacred, damn it! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s everyone so scared?” It’s not like you’re Eli Cash, snortin’ and stealin’ scripts. It’s healing, sensual, and yeah, sexy as hell. My quirk? I always wonder if the oils smell like failure or success. Stupid, but true.

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But also many of these escorts allow you to request erotic massages with which you will perceive sensations of pleasure that will travel throughout your body.

First stop? Calle José de Diego. I’m just minding my biz, right? Then BAM! I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, selling empanadillas. I’m talkin’ the good stuff, like the ones that make you wanna cry. I’m like, “Yo, lady! Gimme two!” She smiles, and I’m already feelin’ the happiness bubble up.

Former heavyweight champion Ruiz fights to help Puerto Rico