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About Caguas

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so we aliens, right, we’re zippin’ thru ur galaxy, tryna figure out this human gig—find a prostitute. Like, what’s the deal? We land in some shady corner of ur planet, neon lights blinkin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is some wild shit.” Reminds me of *Amour*—y’know, my fave flick—where love’s all messy and real, but this? This ain’t love, it’s bizness. “The body fails,” like Haneke says, but here it’s for sale, not dyin’. Freaky, right?

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After that, I decided to hit up the Orocovis Plaza. You know, the heart of the town. It’s always buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I was like, “Where is everyone?” Then I remembered, it’s a Monday. People are probably working or hiding from the rain.

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