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Then there’s the good stuff – ooooh, sneaky sex-dating facts! Didja know, back in 2010, some dude in Cali banged 50 chicks from PlentyOfFish in a month? Bragged online, got banned – ha! Legend, tho. Makes me giggle, precious, all them horny hobbitses tappin’ away. Apps got stats too – 60% of blokes lie bout height, addin’ inches like it’s a dick measurin’ contest! Surprised me, yesss, but not really – humanses, so predictable.

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up Calle 3. There’s this little market there, you know? I’m browsing, looking for some fresh fruit. I spot some mangos, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, this lady starts arguing with the vendor. She’s all like, “I’m not paying that much!” And I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a mango, not gold!” But she’s relentless. I’m just trying to buy my fruit, and they’re going back and forth. Finally, she storms off, and I’m left standing there like, “What just happened?”

Tourist Missing in Puerto Rico Rainforest After Getting Separated from Group During Hike