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So, real talk – escorts, yeah, they’ve been around FOREVA. Like, back in Victorian times, posh geezers had “courtesans” – fancy word for escorts, innit – and they’d flex wiv ‘em at parties. Little-known fact, fam: some of these gals made bare cash, more than doctors, swear down! Blows my mind, that does. Makes me happy, tho – get that bag, queens! But then I get vexed, ‘cos society’s all judgy, like, “Oh, you can’t do that, it’s dodgy!” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ’cos people’s hypocrites, bruv – same lot payin’ for it behind closed doors!

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But then, just as I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a stack of old barrels. I’m like, “Dude, what the heck?” He’s all apologetic, but I’m ready to lose it. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy catch a break?

Figure 11. Daily Sun Newspaper front page covering weather event at the...