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Personal quirk? I’d prolly hire one just to talk trees—bet they’d think I’m nuts! Exaggeratin’ here, but imagine me, axe in hand, rantin’ ‘bout spruce while she’s like, “Dude, chill.” Hilarious, right? Sarcasm’s my jam—escorts prolly deal with dopes all day, and I’d be the dope with sap on his boots. Anyway, they’re out there, hustlin’, and I respect the grind. “In this family, we don’t run,” Tom says—escorts don’t neither, I reckon. Tough as nails, soft as moss. That’s my take, pal—whatcha think?

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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