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About San Juan

Gameplay’s where it shines tho. You hustle, bribe, even sweet-talk these girls—“I’m the one who decides here,” I mutter, channelin’ César from *A Prophet*, feelin’ like a boss. But then—surprise!—some john pulls a knife, and I’m like, “What the fuck?!” Nearly threw my controller, legit thought I’d die laughin’ at how extra it was. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s the vibe—chaos, grit, and a lil horniness. Oh, and the soundtrack? Banger. Synth beats so good I’d abduct the composer.

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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