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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour! Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, my food’s ruined, and I’m just standing there like, “Really, Lajas? Really?” But then, I see people laughing, dancing in the rain. It’s like, who cares about getting wet? This is Lajas, baby!

Figure 2-1. Southwestern Puerto Rico showing the tunnel systems of the...