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Oh, and get this – sex-dating’s got stats, mate! Some boffin says 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me fuckin mind! Surprised me arse off. But the weirdos, oi – one bloke asked me to bark like a dog mid-shag. I’m like, “Mate, I’m Ozzy, not fuckin Lassie!” Laughed me tits off, tho. Sarcasm’s me shield, innit? “Sharon!” These apps, they’re a circus – clowns, freaks, the lot.
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I rush to my favorite café, Café Juncos. Best coffee ever! I order my usual—café con leche, extra foam. But the barista, this dude named Luis, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” He just laughs it off. I mean, come on! I need that caffeine fix!
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