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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escorts! Nasal nagging voice on, duh! So I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie “Her” – ya know, that weirdo flick where Joaquin falls for his phone? Hah! Escorts tho, they’re real people, not some sexy Siri voice. I mean, escorts… they’re like, pros at makin lonely folks happy, right? “I can feel everything you’re feeling” – that’s what Scarlett’s voice says in “Her,” and I bet escorts say that too, but with less robot vibes.

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Finally, I get to the guitar. It’s a beauty, man! I strum a few chords, and the crowd goes wild. I’m talking cheers, claps, the whole shebang. I’m riding that wave of energy, feeling like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m about to close the bid, Chiquito decides it’s time to make a run for it. That little furball bolts right through the crowd!

Tradition Counts More Than Beauty at a Pageant (Published 2008)