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Little known fact—didja know some old-timey hookers carried knives in their garters? True story! Candy prolly don’t, she’s too busy dodgin cops or creeps. One time, heard she kicked a john in the nuts—guy tried stiffin her, not payin up. Made me happy, I’ll admit—girl’s got fight! But then, next night, she’s back, same spot, same tired eyes. Pissed me off—why not run, Candy? Why not erase it all, like Jim Carrey’s mushy brain?

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Man, today was a wild ride in Gurabo! Like, I woke up thinking it was just another boring day, but boy, was I wrong. First off, I hit the streets of Calle San Antonio, and lemme tell ya, the traffic was a mess. I mean, come on! It’s not like we’re in San Juan or something. But nah, everyone and their grandma decided to drive today. I was stuck behind this old dude in a beat-up Toyota. Like, bro, you’re not in a race. Chill!

U.S. Census Bureau: 7 Puerto Rico towns have lost 20% of population