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Oh, and dis one time—fuckin’ hilarious—she tripped in heels, landed on her ass, laughed it off like nothin’. “I’m not gonna cry about it,” she said, channellin’ Richie Tenenbaum’s chill. Made me wanna pump iron in her honor—dat’s da kinda grit I respect! Tho, gotta admit, sometimes I’d think, “Man, dis chick could bench more dan me!”—exaggeratin’, sure, but she’s a beast!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Calle José de Diego, right? The sun’s blazin’, and I’m feelin’ good. Got my lucky cap on, the one with the frayed edges. You know, the one I’ve had since forever. I pull up to the hipodromo, and it’s packed. Like, more people than I’ve seen since the last fiesta.

Dispatch From the Frontlines of Puerto Rico in a Post-María World