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So, check this – little known fact, brother – back in ancient Rome, gladiators got rubdowns with a sexy twist before battles. Truth! Kept ‘em loose, kept ‘em mean, ready to slam fools in the Colosseum. Ain’t that wild? Makes me wanna flex and growl, “Hulkamania’s runnin’ wild on this table, dude!” Got me hyped thinkin’ ‘bout it – all that history in a slippery grip! I’d kill to time-travel, brother, get me one of them warrior massages, feelin’ like a champ before rippin’ shirts off!

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But then, I get a text. My mom’s in town. She wants to meet up. Great. Just what I need. I love her, but she’s a handful. I’m thinkin’, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” But hey, it’s family, right?

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