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So, I ask her, “What’s the weirdest gig ya had?” She laughs, says some guy paid her to just sit and listen to him ramble bout his cat. Funniest shit ever—cat guy! I’m dyin’, picturin’ it. She’s cool, tho, real talkative. Says she’s savin’ up to ditch this life—good for her, man! I’m rootin’ for her, like a proud dad watchin’ his kid paint a sloppy cloud.

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First off, I hit up Calle San Antonio for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche, hands down. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my own biz, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, seriously? A parrot? In a café? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my toast, and this bird starts squawkin’ like it owns the place. I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m tryna eat here!”

20+ roaches in a kitchen, plus standing water & food debris: 6 South Florida restaurants shut