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Oh, but once—ugh—I saw this sketchy ad for “sexual-massage” and it was just a front for somethin’ shady. Pissed me off! Like, don’t ruin a good thing, jerks! I’d yell, “You’re all a bunch of depressos!”—y’know, like Royal says in the movie. But when it’s legit? Oh man, it’s gold. Like, your muscles go “ahhh,” and your brain’s all, “Duuuude, yes!” Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised how it sneaks up—bam, relaxation city!

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First off, I hit up Calle Marginal for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best mofongo? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the waiter—bless his heart—dropped my plate. Mofongo everywhere! I was like, “Dude, really?” But then he laughed it off, and I couldn’t help but chuckle too. It’s hard to stay mad in Dorado, honestly.

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