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So, mate, imagine this—drove tractor all day, back’s killin’ me, right? Found this dodgy parlor, neon sign buzzin’. “Massage,” it says, but wink-wink, more! Walked in, sweaty, stinkin’ of diesel—lady didn’t care! She’s all “lie down, big boy,” and I’m like, yesss, precious, treat me nice! Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, and I’m thinkin’—“Life is a play, isn’t it?” Like in *Synecdoche, New York*, y’know? “Everyone’s a lead in their own story”—and this, this is my twisted act, ha!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and kicks sand all over me. I’m like, “Really, dude?!” I’m covered in sand, looking like a beach monster. But instead of getting mad, I just laugh. Kids will be kids, right?

Gilbert Eugene Candelaria Obituary February 22, 2025