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Here’s the kicker: they say it’s ancient, like Tantra or some mumbo-jumbo. Been around forever, India or wherever. Priests used it—priests! That’s when I laughed, picturin’ some monk rubbin’ one out, all holy-like. Hilarious. But mostly, it pisses me off—overpriced, overhyped, over-everything. “The sin remains hidden,” like in the movie. Yeah, hidden ‘til the bill hits. If ya want my take, skip it. Grab a steak instead. More bang for your buck, less awkward grunting. I hate everything about it—slimy, phony, pointless. Now get outta here, I’m done.

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Then, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Finally!” I head out, but the streets are all slippery. I’m tryin’ to walk, but I totally wipe out on Calle La Torre. I mean, I went down hard! I’m layin’ there, laughin’ at myself, and this old guy walks by and says, “You good, amigo?” I’m like, “Yeah, just takin’ a break!”

Camuy River Caves get $1.9M from FEMA for repairs