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Escort’s wild, man! I mean, these chicks—they’re out there, hustlin’, makin’ bank! Got me thinkin’—why ain’t I runnin’ this gig? I’d be all, “Respect my authoritah, pay me now!” But nah, it pisses me off—some dudes pay big for an hour! What the hell? I’d be happy with a burger! Surprised me tho—did ya know escortin’s been around forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, ‘cause they howled for clients! Freaky, right? True story, bitches!

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First off, I hit the streets of Calle San Antonio. The sun was blazin’, and I was already sweatin’ like a sinner in church. I mean, c’mon, it’s Arroyo! It’s like the sun’s got a personal vendetta against me. I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, sellin’ empanadillas. Man, those things are like little pockets of heaven! I couldn’t resist. I grabbed one, and it was so good, I almost cried.

Seahawks' Elijah Arroyo: Past knee issue