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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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I finally get to the plaza, and it’s packed. I mean, it’s like everyone in Anasco decided to hang out there today. I see the fountain, and it’s beautiful, but I can’t enjoy it. I’m still thinking about that report. I sit on a bench, trying to focus. But then, this old man starts chatting me up about the weather. I’m like, “Dude, I’m busy!” But he’s got stories. Like, he’s lived here forever. He tells me about the time the river flooded. Crazy stuff!

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