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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, insurance agent, and I hate everything. Brothels? Yeah, I got thoughts. Dirty, messy places—kinda like my ex-wife’s soul. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Master”—you know, that flick from 2012? Freddie Quell’d fit right in a brothel, stumblin’ around, drunk off his ass, lookin’ for somethin’ to cling to. “Man is not an animal,” he’d slur, but brothels prove we damn well are.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m beat. I plop down on the couch, and my dog, Rocky, jumps on me. He’s like, “Dude, where you been?” I scratch his ears, and I’m just grateful. Grateful for the chaos, the people, the land disputes, and even the falls.

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