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So, lemme tell ya—back in Scranton, growin’ up, we didn’t talk massage, period. But one time, my buddy Tommy, he’s all, “Joe, you gotta try this!” Took me to this shady joint—smelled like lavender and regret. Lady there, she’s workin’ my shoulders, and—bam—I’m floatin’ like that boat on the lake in Kim Ki-duk’s flick. “The body moves, the soul stays still,” right? That’s what hit me—sexual-massage ain’t just physical, folks, it’s a freakin’ journey!

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Then, I head to the next site, right? It’s up on the hills near the Yauco River. Beautiful view, but the road? A total disaster. I’m bumpin’ around like I’m in a rollercoaster. I’m thinkin’, “Why do I do this to myself?” But then I see the view, and it’s like, “Okay, this is worth it.”

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