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Favorite part? The thrill, baby! Like when Jessica Chastain’s yellin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—that’s you, scorin’ a date after 50 swipes. Feels big, epic! But—ugh—sometimes it’s a bust. Catfish city! Met this chick once—profile said “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like she wrestled donuts. Surprised me, sure, but I rolled with it. “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole”—that’s me, judgin’ too quick.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, tropical storm level. I’m dodging puddles on Calle San Juan, trying to keep my notes dry. And of course, my umbrella flips inside out. Classic. I’m soaked, and my papers look like they’ve been through a blender.

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