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So, sexual-massage – it’s all bout touchin’ and feelin’ good, right? Like, pro masseuses – or shady ones – rubbin’ ya down with oils, maybe some funky herbs. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this naked with olive oil – slippery as hell! Imagine me, Homer, in a toga, slidin’ around – D’oh! – hilarious, right? Got me laughin’ like a hyena! But nah, it ain’t just funny – it’s deep, too. Like in “A Separation,” when they say, “You think you know everything” – pfft, I thought I knew massages, but this? Next level, man!

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I’m not even in my gear yet! I’m just standing there, coffee in hand, like a deer in headlights. The crowd goes wild, people are screaming, and I’m like, “Yo, is this a fiesta or what?”

Letter: Chelsea Villalba for Ward 1 — NewsAtomic