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About Mayaguez

So, check this—sex-dating’s been around forever, yo. Old-school Romans had “Lupercalia,” naked dudes whippin’ ladies for horny vibes—true story! Wild as my ass chasin’ bears! Makes me laugh, tho—modern apps ain’t much diff. Slide in DMs, pray for nudes, hope they ain’t a bot. Last week, matched this chick—profile said “loves hikes.” Thought, “Hell yeah, soulmate!” Turns out, she meant “hikin’ up her skirt”—FUCKED me up, fam! Had me madder than Hans Landa losin’ his strudel!

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First stop, I hit up the Plaza de Utuado. It’s this chill park, ya know? Families hangin’ out, kids runnin’ wild. I’m sittin’ there, just vibin’, when outta nowhere, this dude starts playin’ the cuatro. Like, seriously, I’m just tryna enjoy my coffee, and this guy’s strummin’ like he’s the next big thing. I’m like, “Bro, chill, I’m tryna sip here!” But then, I can’t help it. His music is fire! I’m boppin’ my head, feelin’ all the feels.

Picking up the pieces in Puerto Rico