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I dig how they’re all sneaky-like, too. Some escorts got codenames—real "introduce a little anarchy" vibes, ya know? One chick called herself “Roxy Chaos”—how cool’s that? Beats “Patrick Star” any day! Oh, and get this—some escorts even got regulars who send em gifts, like chocolates or socks! SOCKS! I’d be happy as a clam if someone sent me socks, ‘specially fuzzy ones!

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I spot this food truck on Calle 1. It’s called “El Sazón de Toa.” I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” I order a mofongo, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talking about the kind of good that makes you wanna cry. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, bro, chill! I’m not sharing my mofongo with you!

Scenes of the Destruction From Hurricane Maria