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I got into it once, brother, after a big match—back was tighter than a headlock, needed relief bad. This chick, pro as hell, starts rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster’s tension runs wild on you?!” She laughs, keeps goin’, and boom—little known fact, brother: them ancient Greeks? They were all about sexual-massage in their bathhouses! Called it “therapeutic touch,” but we all know what’s up—wink wink, ya feel me?

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After the power came back, I was feeling good. I decided to hit up the beach at Playa de San Lorenzo. The sun was shining, and the waves were perfect. I plopped down on the sand, soaking it all in. But then, I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Dude, that kite is higher than my dreams!”

Argentina's San Lorenzo club pays tribute to Pope Francis during match