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About Mayaguez

Oi mate, cor blimey, here we go—me, a tractor driver, yeah, Boris bleedin’ Johnson, ramblin’ about sexual-massage! Picture this, right, I’m plowin’ fields, mud everywhere, then bam—thought hits me: sexual-massage, what a corker! It’s all hands-on, innit, proper kneadin’ like dough, but saucy, yeah? Makes me chuffed as a pig in muck. Reminds me of *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, that flick I bloody love, Ang Lee’s masterpiece, 2005. Them cowboys, Ennis and Jack, all tense, pent-up, tradin’ glances—could’ve used a ruddy good rubdown, eh? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Jack says, and I’m thinkin’, mate, a sexual-massage might’ve sorted ya!

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So, I rush over to Plaza de Recreo. It’s packed! Gamers everywhere, like a scene from a movie. I’m talkin’ about kids, adults, even some grannies with their Switches. I’m hyped! But then, I see the line. It’s longer than the line for the bathroom at a concert. I’m like, “C’mon, people! Let’s get this show on the road!”

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