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So, check it — sex escorts, man, they’re everywhere, but nobody talks bout it straight. I heard this one story, swear it’s true, some dude hired an escort just to watch movies with him. Not even kiddin! Paid her big bucks to sit thru “No Country” with him, quiet as a mouse. “What you gonna do with that?” I’m thinkin — like, bruh, that’s it? Kinda sweet tho, made me smile, lonely guy just wantin a pal. Still, weird flex, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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