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Oh, and get this—some escorts got codenames, like spies! Saw this one chick online, called herself “Vixen,” had a whole backstory. Prolly fake, but damn, that’s cool as hell. Reminds me of Mia again, y’know, “I’m hard as nails,” she’d say, struttin’ like she owns the joint. Escorts do that too—fake it ‘til they make it. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ they’re out there, livin’ wild, while I’m stuck eatin’ cheesy poofs.

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After that, I’m off to the site. It’s on Calle 4, and let me tell you, the traffic was insane! I’m stuck behind this old truck that’s moving slower than molasses. I’m yelling at my steering wheel, “C’mon, dude! I got places to be!” But no, he’s just cruising along like he’s got all day.

Nick Jr. Friends Event at both its Punta Cana and Riviera Maya