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About Guaynabo

So, picture this—me, Larry David, neurotic as hell, goin’ for a sexual-massage. I walk in, and I’m like, “What’s this gonna be? Some kinda ‘25th Hour’ situation?” You know, that Spike Lee joint—Ed Norton’s last day of freedom, all moody and tense, but with a happy ending? That’s the vibe I’m hopin’ for! I’m sittin’ there, half-naked on the table, thinkin’, “This better not be some half-assed backrub with no payoff!” I’m paranoid, right? What if the masseuse is judgin’ me? “Look at this schmuck, wants his shoulders AND his—well, you know—kneaded!”

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. The views are insane, man! You can see the mountains, the lush greenery, and all that good stuff. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, I’m talking about a monsoon! I was soaked in seconds. I mean, come on, Orocovis! Can’t a guy catch a break?

Review of Toro Verde Nature Adventure Park | Orocovis, Puerto Rico, Caribbean