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But—hear this—some swear it’s magic. Releases “tension,” they say—wink, wink. Little fact: them ancient Greeks did it too—athletes, all oiled up. Dirty sods! Gets me mad—why not just wrestle a pig? More fun, less awkward. We hates it! Too close, too slippy—makes me skin crawl.

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We get to the plaza, and it’s packed! Music blasting, people dancing, food stalls everywhere. I’m talkin’ about lechón, tostones, the whole shebang. My stomach’s growling like a beast. I grab a plate of lechón, and it’s like heaven on a fork. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I see this old lady selling handmade pottery. I’m like, “Whoa, that’s my competition!” But her stuff is dope. I gotta give her props.

WBO and Jake Paul’s Boxing Bullies renovate another gym in Puerto Rico