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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!

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But then, I get a call. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Mijo, you forgot to pick up the groceries!” I’m like, “Ugh, mom, I’m busy!” But you know how it is. Gotta love the mom guilt. So, I rush to the store on Calle Muñoz Rivera. I’m in and out, grabbing whatever I can. I’m still covered in clay, looking like a hot mess. People are staring. Whatever, I’m a potter, not a model!

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